No. 9 – The Silver Lining

My shopping ban has been going beautifully so far & I feel very optimistic about it. With how much money stress I’m under with the sudden 20% decrease in our income next month & how much I’ve been thinking about money – even spending it on necessities stresses me out at the moment. So there hasn’t, so far, been even an miligram of temptation to buy anything other than the basics we need.

On an amazing note, my husband & I seem to FINALLY be on the same page about spending now that the reality of a 20% drop in income has hit us.

He buys most of the groceries because he is the one who loves to cook & is good at it. I hate cooking & my repertoire is basically limited to making a veggie burger. In April so far he’s spent almost $800 on groceries already. I’ve tried to talk to him about how we are spending wayyyy too much on groceries so many times before now & he’s always basically considered it nagging. But now he finally seems to realize I haven’t been just stressing about money for no reason.

I’ve always kept him up to date on the finances. he just… didn’t really seem to care. Yesterday, we were talking and he said he was going to start spending a lot less on groceries & learn to cook cheap meals. I was so happy. He finally got it & if anyone can make cheap meals taste delicious, it’s him. He’s an amazing cook – a big perk in a husband by the way.

He said, “This is an us problem, not a you problem,” which felt so good to finally hear.

For a year I’ve felt like I’m the only one who is paying attention to our finances (because I was) & cared about paying off our debt.

It made me feel so lonely & also sad because we weren’t dealing with or confronting our financial problem together – and because he didn’t seem to care & was mostly dismissive about my stress surrounding it.

It was all on me. I was the only one making an effort towards improving our finances even though he is was/is one bringing in the income. I am in charge of paying the bills, the mortgage every month, the one who has to look at the credit card numbers & pay those bills too. And because I am the one seeing the number frequently & he isn’t, I think they were more of an abstract thing to him than actual facts. I tried to show him the numbers on multiple occasions but it just seemed to never really sink in for him.

Just incase you were wondering why I am in charge of all of the financial stuff, it is because he’s not very detail oriented & hates doing these kinds of life things while I don’t mind being in charge of it because I want to make sure it is done properly.

I joke, in a sweet way, that he is “my absent minded professor.”

So anyway, some good is coming from the shit situation of our income drop. I don’t mean to make him sound bad in this post. He’s really an amazing partner, I couldn’t have custom ordered a better one if I’d had the chance. It’s just that in this one area we weren’t on the same page for so long – hopefully we are able to stay on the same page from now on.

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